Bittersweet Tonight
by derangedfool
Summary: L/L - Alternate ending to It Should Have Been Lorelai.


Disclaimer: Not mine. 

Note: I was bugged by the way _It Should Have Been Lorelai_ ended, so I figured I'd write it how I would have liked to have seen it played out. But since I thought it was sweet of Luke to offer to play bagel hockey with Lorelai, I took that part and included it in here. Anyway, this takes place after the Friday night dinner, and I'm pretending that everything after that regarding Lorelai didn't happen. 

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Bittersweet Tonight

Luke saw her from across the street, illuminated by the soft glow of the street lanterns. She sat alone and unmoving, as if taking comfort and strength from the safe haven that the gazebo provided. It was a familiar picture, albeit one he hadn't witnessed in a long while. He could recall clearly the first time he'd seen her there, soon after she'd moved here, and all the times after that. He used to watch her from the window, wondering to himself what it was that she was trying to escape from. He understood better now, but that didn't stop him from wondering the same this time.

Closing the door behind him, he crossed over to her. Lorelai didn't hear him as he approached, or if she did, she gave no sign of it. He sat down next to her, and for about half a minute, they both sat there in silence. 

Truth be told, he wasn't sure quite how to proceed. He'd never done this before. They'd been friends for a long time now, and they'd had their fair share of serious and not-so-serious moments, but this was different. Somehow, this mattered more and he didn't want to say or do the wrong thing. So, in the end, he waited for her. 

"Hey." She didn't turn to look at him, but he could nevertheless make out the glimmering streaks that ran down her profile. It stirred him that she hadn't bothered to brush her tears away, but had instead let them take their course. 

"Hi," he said quietly. 

"You don't have to do this, you know. I'm fine." She sensed him on her periphery, knew he was gauging her, searching her face for any imperceptible signs that rendered her unapproachable. 

"Do what?"

"Do what you're doing. Checking up, making sure I'm okay."  


"That's not what I'm doing," he said gruffly. She looked at him knowingly. "Okay, so it's some of what I'm doing."

"And the rest of it?"

"Damned if I know." He gave her a wry smile. 

Lorelai laughed half-heartedly. "Yeah, that sounds about right." Silence befell them again, and she looked at him out of the corner of her eye before giving him a soft jab in the ribs with her elbow, garnering his attention. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For sitting here. For making me laugh. For not asking – especially for not asking." She paused. "For being you." 

Luke fidgeted uncomfortably, and shifted his eyes from hers. "You're welcome." At the moment, this was more awkward than he'd anticipated. For lack of anything else to do, he shuffled his hands into his pockets.

"You ever feel like everyone else around you is moving while you're just standing still? Like things, important things, are happening, and you have no part in any of it?"

"Sometimes." He didn't elaborate, knowing she didn't need it so much as she needed someone to listen to her.

"It scares me. It seems like all my life, I've been moving and now there's just nowhere to go. There's this huge standstill and it just makes me wonder if I missed my stop while I was in such a hurry to keep going."

"That's not unusual."

"No?" she questioned, cocking her head. 

Luke shook his head. "Not so much. I don't see much point in dwelling on what could have been. There's always going to be 'what if.' Doesn't mean where you are now isn't where you're supposed to be."

"Huh. How'd you get so smart?" she asked, looking at him with the just the slightest hint of a smile on her face. 

"Stayed away from all the junk you put into your body," he said, somewhat smugly.

Lorelai scoffed and rolled her eyes, and Luke smirked. "Forget it. I'd rather be dumb." A short lull passed before she spoke suddenly, the lack of segue taking him by small surprise. "So what about you?"

"What about me?" 

"Are you where you're supposed to be?" 

He took his time answering. "I think so. Can't imagine being anywhere else." 

She smiled at the sentiment. "That's nice."

"What is?" he asked. 

"Knowing. Being so sure of something. Of yourself," she clarified, wishfully. 

"Yeah, I guess," he agreed. 

Lorelai nodded. "It is."

"So what are you so unsure about?"

Lorelai laughed weakly. "Where should I start?"

"I hear good things about the beginning."

"Funny, funny man." He looked at her purposefully, fully realizing she was evading the question at hand. "It's not a big deal, really. I'm just feeling sorry for myself."

"Your mom." It wasn't a question, but rather, a statement of fact. 

"The one and only. She's the only one I know who could get me to doubt my choices and myself. It would be fascinating, really, if it weren't so infuriating."

"Doesn't make her right."

Lorelai sighed. "No. But I just…I hate that I let her get to me like that."

"Maybe you get to her the same way." She didn't respond, and while she considered, he continued. "It's hard for parents…to let go, sometimes."

"A concept with which I am overly familiar." Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Except this time it's not me she needs to let go of, but this perfect fantasy she's created and held on to all these years."

Luke laughed quietly, spurring a questioning look from her. "Stubborn must run in the family."

"What? Oh no," she protested, shaking her head in denial. "Yes, I'm stubborn, but she…she is an entirely different kind of stubborn of which I have no part and to which I bear no resemblance." 

"My mistake," he said, not bothering to disguise the ridicule from his voice.

"Stop it. You're creeping me out." Lorelai tilted her head back slightly, and searched the sky above. "It's nice out."

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Nights like this always make me wish I could point out constellations," she said, almost wistfully.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's what people do. Or at least people in movies and books. It just seems nice."

Luke imitated her, taking in the same view as her. "Maybe you're right. That's Gemini right there," he mentioned, pointing as he spoke.

Lorelai looked at him, surprised and intrigued all at once. He didn't take her unawares very often, but every now and again he did or said something that forced her to re-evaluate her understanding of him. 

Becoming uneasy and feeling not unlike a bug under a microscope as she observed him, Luke squirmed slightly. His movement interrupted her concentration, and she broke her eyes away from him, glancing instead at the sky above, not completely sure if what she was looking at was what he was indicating. 

"That one?" she asked, pointing as well.

"Yeah."

"That's beautiful. Thanks. What else do you know?" she asked, teasingly.

"That's it." 

Dramatically, Lorelai announced, "And thus ends my lesson in astronomy. It was nice while it lasted." She attempted to look forlorn, but he was wise to her ways and merely rolled his eyes. "Whatever shall we do now?"

"Bagel hockey?" he offered.

Her eyes widened with excitement. "Really?"

"Yeah, if you want."

"Do I want, he says. Of course I want." Lorelai stood up, eagerly tugging on Luke's arm to do the same. Up, up, get up," she commanded, "time's a wastin'." 

He stood up, and she immediately began leading him by his shirt across the lawn in the direction of the diner as she spoke animatedly. "Be prepared to lose, diner man. You have foolishly, _foolishly_ – albeit very nicely – challenged the reigning bagel hockey queen. Victory is mine."


End file.
